Grateful Dead

It's not too often I get on a music rant. I'm looking at this damn computer screen and wondering (after I've written some cool stuff) why can't they make a better beer than Budweiser? But you know what? The Grateful Dead is getting down to a vibing China Cat from the Spectrum in 74 and I don't really mind that this beer tastes like reconstitued dish towel water. I get lost on the show at hand and the complexity of the music and forget all non-essential tastes. I do not want to do this, but since this beer is shite it's easier to get lost. Check the links on this page for some good listening. John Hartford Radio on BluegrassBox might be what everyone needs. I just wanted to take up some space between the last post and my next one, so here's to that. The following is a public service anouncement from you local red head radio station:

The previous post's are from a few classic e-mail's that were sent to a select group of choice individuals, if you are confused as to the aloofness, then you are probably not cool and need to access www.startrek.com. If your still convinced that you understand what the hell I'm talking about and can speak Klingon, give me your address so I can have the brezna's kick you ass. If you think that the USS Enterprise is a better vessel than the Milleneum Falcon, Congratulations Your a Dork of Level 97000 and Have Defeated Gandalf at the Green Tower on Zarquash So You Should Proceed To The Next Meeting Of The Galactic TransFunctioner. Make Sure to Wear Your Bubble Wrap. I hate shitty beer.

RED

Buckle Up Flash! We're in hot pursuit!!!

"Someday the mountain might get 'em but the law never will"

I'm officially entering my name into the ring for this job:

http://money.cnn.com/2005/02/25/pf/autos/dukes_job/index.htm

If not search cnn.com for the Dukes of Hazzard job.

Check it out. They are offering a hundred K a year to watch the Duke boys on reruns. What level of idiocy will the television industry sink to next? As much as I like to think I am able to unplug myself from the constant dribble that stems from Western culture, I am constanly relegated to a status of "shock and awe" that stems from such odd encounters. I found this strange bit of info on a discussion board and felt obligated to pass on the useless piece of info. What is it about the human race that drives to fascination with these stupid tidbits of information? I am fully aware of the stupid information that I am dispersing, yet feel inclined to do so. Must reach Bat Belt to activate anti-stupid spray......
In continuing with this little case study, every now and then I wonder if the intellectuals that consitute the television industry (no offense AOK) can attain a new level of shamefulness. While I am not aware of all the quality programming that gets filtered into the little idiot box, I thought the worst was done by FOX (not counting their outstanding news channel, for a good laugh check out their website) with such shows as Joe Millionaire and that Swan show. I never watched any of these shows but was exposed to the advertising through my love for the Simpsons. While I can understand why people like to watch these shows, I want to know how someone can dream up this stuff.

"Wait, wait, dude I have an idea. We'll put all these fat people in a boat with only rice cakes and water. If they complete tasks then they get like a sandwich." "Yeah, yeah, then they can vote on who is the fattest and that person has to stay. And whoever is the fattest at the end get's a lifetime supply of ricecakes and free liposuction. We can like have those gay guys come over and give them a makeover too."

I like to imagine that this is the dialogue between FOX producers.

I witnessed for the first time a graduation ceremony...for Kindergartners. Now I always felt that graduations were nothing more than tripe, especially that cheesy one that Catholic school kids get for finishing (drum roll please) 8th grade. I've also felt that the title for the graduation "song" Pomp & Circumstance was aptly fitting. But this was altogether a new experience. We marched these little kids (they did look rather adorable in their little robes and caps) on stage and give them little diplomas and awards. I am rather ambigous about the ceremony. On one side I loath the drudgery that comes saddled with every graduation ceremony, yet on the other side I am happy to have a break from classes for a few hours. Obviously this all set up for the parents so they can take pictures and show off how smart their child is, but I hope the kids get a kick out of it (I really doubt it, but hope is good). Altogether the strangest is to hear the kids sing the graduation song. The
directors did not know the traditional "song", so they opted for "Auld Lang Syne". I thought it was great to hear the kids sing this song. It has a much better appeal towards graduation if you listen to the lyrics. The song has to do with times past and old friends. Since none of us probably knows the song save for the first few lines, it was cool to hear them sing the song. An interesting experience to say the least.

Well that's all the news that's fit to print. I report you decide. A fair and balanced look at Korea. That's what I do.

A great week for me coming up. No school on Tuesday due to the Independence Movement Day. The day the Korean's organized themselves and started to mobilize against their nasty Japanese rulers. Plus, since all my kindergarten classes "graduated" I don't have any new kids until the following week. Means no class for me till 2pm. Woo-hoo. I do believe I will go get myself a nice Chilean vino rojo for this reason. Everyone make sure you wish FLORS and George W. Bush a Bappy Hirthday!! They are old so make sure you tell them it's their birthday, they might forget, you know dementia and all.

Peace,

Mash

"And how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?" -Homer J.

Enslavement of Vowels On a Rocky Outcrop

In case your not up to date on the happenings of the current events situation within parts of the Far East, here is a little rundown:

Japanese Person (JP)-- Those islands are called Takeshima, they are our islands and we are taking them back.
Korean Person (KP)-- This is a direct attack on the sovereignty of the Republic of Korea. Those islands are clearly ours and have been for thousands of years. According to the agreement's set in 1945 those islands and the fishing rights are ours.
JP-- Nonetheless, we legally annexed them from you during our occupation of your country and are re-claiming them.
KP-- This is outrageous, I will now protest your embassy and cut off my finger to protest!
JP-- Do what you must, how do you like our new textbook?
KP(now down to 9 digits)-- It says that the Japanese occupation was a good thing for Korea! This is malicious, you must remove this at once!
JP-- We are just trying to put history into a different perspective.
KP-- But you raped our women, stole our names, and committed numerous other atrocities!
JP-- Yes, but if not for that you would have been part of the communist bloc.
KP-- I hate you and will now cut off my other finger!
JP-- Can I can still count on you to vote for us in the UN Security Council?

The above translates into an abbreviated version of the mudslinging that has been going on between these two countries. Several people did cut their fingers off in protest. The textbooks are real. The island fighting is real. I find the most remarkable part of the current hostilities to be that this is all taking place during the "40th Annual Korea-Japan Friendship Year". Hah, now that's just good comedy.

I made a trip to the Korean Independence Museum on Sunday. A very interesting place where I was able to gain a large amount of historical knowledge about the history of this land. If for some reason in the above imaginary dialogue it seems that I favor the Korean person, this only due to the opinion I have formulated from my extensive research into the subject. Japan did alot of horrific things to Koreans (not only Koreans, but British, German, French, Chinese, Vietnames, just about anyone that was in Eastern Asia from 1874-1945) and is very reluctant to admit misdoings. While some reparations have been made, like most situations of slavery and occupation, monetary reparations hardly compensate the attitudes of the society. Irregardless of these reparations, you can kind of understand why Koreans would be a little chapped at some Japanese schools using a textbook that says the occupation was an eventual beneficial thing. Imagine the Germans saying that if they hadn't killed
millions of Jewish people then there would be no Israel! Now you get the feeling of the Koreans.

Outside of the crazy current events situation, life is moving along well here in the ROK (I like to throw that in there every now and again, sort of a USA vs. America) I was given a computer by my school (ok, I paid $30 to get it fixed) and got myself connected to the internet. I went to the store and bought myself a pair of speakers, man do they ROCK! I have a small little shoebox, so it doensn't take much sound to fill the place up, but for $35 my little speakers and subwoofer shake this apartment complex with some good ole fine pickin and heavy beats. I really dig the streaming music thing, and one of the other English teachers is coming by tommorrow (today?) to install Windows in English (Englishee in Konglish).

You see I have an operating system in Hangul (¼Ø¤µ³ë¤Á¤À¤Å¤¿¤·). I tried to change the language, now whenever I get a random window it seems to be in German, Spanish, or Korean. I'm so global. It's rather entertaining. Thank goodness I know how to use a computer or it could be really frustrating, I really dig the German Hotmail site, auch zermiden neine! Or the Spanish installation wizard...uno momento por favor, los computadores necisito varios minutos.

So as I was telling the Duog monster, this language has an infatuation with the usage of vowels. It's obviously due to the English language usage of silent vowels. When you learn to read a language first (as opposed to learning the word first then reading) you have a natural tendency to phoneticize things. Hence the following:

sausage = sausojee
orange = oranjee
large = larjee

And the list goes on. But it does not seem to stop there:

bus = busa
ice cream = isa creamu
cellphone = handupone (handphone, I really like this one)

Still, that's what happens to languages, they get altered as they travel. I still like the Engrish tendencies that happen when someone translates something literally. It works both ways, just ask Coke. But I saw a great sign they other day outside of a clothing store:

have, to

What? What the hell does that mean? Not even a Hangul translation. This was the name of the store. In big pink and white letters. That stuff is just precious. Well that's all for now from life from this side of the pond. I hope you liked my little 4/1 joke. May the force be with you.

Mash
Smash
RED
Steve
Stephen
la cabeza roja loca
der verrückte rote Kopf
¹ÌÄ£ »¡°£ ¸Ó¸®
la testa rossa pazzesca
the crazy red head

"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." -Raoul Duke

The Association Of Cool Saying's and Retards

If a fiddle fought a violin, my money is on the fiddle.

I wasn’t’ going to post this until I felt my writing skills were up to par…ah, fuck it if by the end of this discourse I see fit to put my smart’s in to the mix then so be it. I won’t question my own intelligence (called living dangerously, different from that quality Michael Keaton/Joe Piscopo movie Johnny Dangerously) you fargin iceholes. I’m sitting here enjoying a fine glass of Chilean vino and debating the issue of how far do I go with this diary. It’s accessible to the general public and there is a strong possibility I would lose a strong percentage of (…aw shit, I hate it when music stops) my mentally challenged group. Now you might say, “Why do you care about these so called ‘retards’, RED”. Because my young disciple, they are illiterate and just as important to the social fabric or our culture as the 24 Hour Drive Thru Elvis Love Hotel. Besides this, I feel that some of my material might be a little too hard for the non-delusional to comprehend. I’ll make this promise to you (whoever the hell you are) if you stick with me through this general rant of depravity I’ll grant access to some of the most intoxicatingly written philosophical lexicons this side of the planet Argon.

I got to doing a bit of thinking about the life in Korea here and I have the following fun shit to say:

Korean Dreams

Ghost = Bad, evil, stupid Casper/Slimer fools.

Pig = Good, a symbol of wealth, much like those slab’s o’ bacon in Animal Farm

Blood = Good, now I’m just confused. I dreamed I was in blood, “You will be rich”

Nightmare = Apparently nightmares are a good thing since you have exorcised the demon. What about repeating nightmares? Does this foretell of years of great success? If I have a nightmare and it comes true what does that mean? This country needs Freddy Krueger.

I love Korean words. They kick ass. Sausajee. Oranjee. I’m moving on to literal translations and the following shall be instituted into the English language for immediate use:

Drinking Store = Bar, I love this, you don’t get any more literal than this. What a great thing to say t people. “I’ll be heading out to the Drinking Shop tonite”. Brilliant. Can also be used to describe a martini bar (Drinking Boutique)

Sex Partner = Fuck Buddy, No more shall we be relegated to less than conversational status. Now you can introduce your SEX PARTNER with no social awkwardness. What a great use of semantics. Ex: “My SEX PARTNER and I will be leaving for the DRINKING STORE soon, who want’s to join us?” I sure hope your on board, if not then I really feel sorry for your linguistically challenged ass.

PS If spelling or textual grammar are incorrect it's due to my Korean spellchecker. Usually I'm gouda at spelling, but I miss a few here and ther in a long document. You try checking your grammar and spelling in MS Word Korea!

People are stupid

So we had a little "meeting" at work today. Why do people continue to have meetings when it seems that 95% of people find them utterly useless? In the Korean world the longer the meeting the more effective it is. Clearly that is effective time management. During our meeting our supervisor was attempting to infer something. I couldn't really tell what the hell he was trying to imply because his English is spotty and since my co-worker and I don't speak Hangul we rely on his English. Here's an abbreviated transcription:

Supervisor Dude(SD): The parents would like to communicate more with the teachers.
Me: Good.
SD: They would like to speak via the telephone to the teachers sometimes.
Me: Don't the Korean teachers talk to them every other week?
SD: Yes, but we (this is where it gets interesting) think maybe they could talk to the Native teachers (English speakers).
Me: Umm, okay, I don't speak Korean and the parents don't speak English. How do we go about this? Wouldn't it be easier to have them ask you or the other teachers what they want to know and you can relay that to us?
SD: Yes, yes. But sometimes when I call the parents the children answer and get excited when they hear me speak English. So, what if you where to be talking to the children on the telephone and calling them.
Me: So, you want us to call the children at home?
SD: No, no.
Me: I don't understand.
SD: We think it's a good idea to talk to the children on the phone.
Me: So, do you want us to call the children at their house.
SD: No. But it is a good idea to talk to the children on the phone.
Me (I've gotten irritated at this point): What are you getting at? Do you want us to call the children at their house or not?
SD: Is it a possible?
Me: Have you ever spoken to a 6 year old on the phone? They don't want to talk to you. You want me to call the kids and say "Hello" and then hang up? I don't understand what your getting at.
SD: But sometimes it looks good if the children are talking on the phone. We would have to set up a time for the children to answer and for the teacher to call.
Me: This makes no sense. The children can barely speak English, but you want me to call them at home so I can say maybe 4 words to them? I just don't understand what your getting at. If you want us to call them say so!
SD: No, no. Just forget it.

This is an abbreviated version. I felt bad about getting a little abrasive, but jeebus why is it so difficult to come out and say what you mean? When there is a language barrier surrounding two parties isn't it best if inferred rhetoric is best left to the wayside? At least when it is intentional? I really like the Supervisor Dude, but sometime's it seems he get's entangled in his own backwards logic.

I went out last Friday with the Supervisor Dude for some beers. He's a really cool guy when he let's his guard down. I found he deplores the owners more than the teachers do. I don't think the owners of the place are bad, just stupid. But back to the Supervisor Dude. You've probably read from some of my emails how Korean has a bit of bassackward's logic. You don't know the half. The Supervisor Dude was explaining to me how he can't understand why he has to work on Saturday's. He works 60 hours a week to begin with. He get's all his work done by Friday night. The owner's still ask to him to come in on Saturday, even though he has nothing more to do. He's asking me why. Hahah. Dude if you can't even understand your countries work logic, then I don't stand a chance.

Peace

Bloody Mary Morning

So this is the inaugural rant on my own little web diary. I've only had a diary once, so this whole little cyber-diary stuff is strange. I'll update this with dumb shit and stories of stuff I've done. I don't care if you like this or not. Bye bye now.