The Association Of Cool Saying's and Retards

If a fiddle fought a violin, my money is on the fiddle.

I wasn’t’ going to post this until I felt my writing skills were up to par…ah, fuck it if by the end of this discourse I see fit to put my smart’s in to the mix then so be it. I won’t question my own intelligence (called living dangerously, different from that quality Michael Keaton/Joe Piscopo movie Johnny Dangerously) you fargin iceholes. I’m sitting here enjoying a fine glass of Chilean vino and debating the issue of how far do I go with this diary. It’s accessible to the general public and there is a strong possibility I would lose a strong percentage of (…aw shit, I hate it when music stops) my mentally challenged group. Now you might say, “Why do you care about these so called ‘retards’, RED”. Because my young disciple, they are illiterate and just as important to the social fabric or our culture as the 24 Hour Drive Thru Elvis Love Hotel. Besides this, I feel that some of my material might be a little too hard for the non-delusional to comprehend. I’ll make this promise to you (whoever the hell you are) if you stick with me through this general rant of depravity I’ll grant access to some of the most intoxicatingly written philosophical lexicons this side of the planet Argon.

I got to doing a bit of thinking about the life in Korea here and I have the following fun shit to say:

Korean Dreams

Ghost = Bad, evil, stupid Casper/Slimer fools.

Pig = Good, a symbol of wealth, much like those slab’s o’ bacon in Animal Farm

Blood = Good, now I’m just confused. I dreamed I was in blood, “You will be rich”

Nightmare = Apparently nightmares are a good thing since you have exorcised the demon. What about repeating nightmares? Does this foretell of years of great success? If I have a nightmare and it comes true what does that mean? This country needs Freddy Krueger.

I love Korean words. They kick ass. Sausajee. Oranjee. I’m moving on to literal translations and the following shall be instituted into the English language for immediate use:

Drinking Store = Bar, I love this, you don’t get any more literal than this. What a great thing to say t people. “I’ll be heading out to the Drinking Shop tonite”. Brilliant. Can also be used to describe a martini bar (Drinking Boutique)

Sex Partner = Fuck Buddy, No more shall we be relegated to less than conversational status. Now you can introduce your SEX PARTNER with no social awkwardness. What a great use of semantics. Ex: “My SEX PARTNER and I will be leaving for the DRINKING STORE soon, who want’s to join us?” I sure hope your on board, if not then I really feel sorry for your linguistically challenged ass.

PS If spelling or textual grammar are incorrect it's due to my Korean spellchecker. Usually I'm gouda at spelling, but I miss a few here and ther in a long document. You try checking your grammar and spelling in MS Word Korea!