People Are Strange

For the amount of times in my life that I have stuck my foot in my mouth I should be a contortionist. I guess the problem lies within your perception. As many levels of meditation techniques will tell you the more you visualize something the more true it is. I don't see myself as a contortionist, so maybe's that's where I'm going wrong. Visualize and contortianalize. That will be my new creedo.

Not much news to report on the homefront. I'm decidedly indecisive about where I'll end up next. Only timie will tell. Till the next time I eat toe.

Intergalactic Smog (Where are the Oompa Loompas when we need them?)

I’m going on a rant. I’m building up to a verbal (ok, you semantics professor written) diatribe of impending doom. I had the pleasure of seeing the latest Star Wars movie the other day. What an amazing movie. If you don’t like Star Wars you suck.

What the hell is wrong with Korea? The level of pollution here is high enough to create a legitimate hot zone. Chock full of those guys in white suits and gas masks. That’s what I’m expecting to see any day. I want one of those suits you see in that movie Outbreak.
I went on a heavy bender the past weekend. I don’t know what it is about my energy and karma, but I just permeate craziness. Everywhere I go, crazy shit happens. Hookers cutting themselves with blades, dudes passing out on cars, me getting bitch slapped by random Koreans. That last act was well deserved. But the other stuff was just boggling. I honestly believe I should be in the hall of fame for drinking. If there is no hall of fame for partying, I’m on a mission to create one before I die. The shenanigans I’ve pulled in my lifetime would rival that of the life of a rock star. The only difference is that I can’t play the guitar or any other musical instrument. How many other people on the planet can lay claim to being a cow painted golf cart riding Mormon heckling bourbon-drinking festival yelling Duffman? Step up to the plate if you’ve got that in your resume.

Korea likes to bill itself as the Land of Morning Calm. Land of Morning Smog is much more appropriate. Look, if I can’t drink the tap water I should be able to walk down the street and not have green entrails constantly hanging from my nose. Give me something to work with here. No tap water. Air is stinky. What’s next? Carnivorous plant’s that have developed a taste for redheads.

I drink too much coffee. Smoke too much. Imbibe on the alcohol. Experiment with drugs. I reckon I should be dead by the time I’m 30. It’s kind of like the lottery. I hate the fucking lottery. Seriously, what the hell is this fear of dying? If I kick the bucket (that’s a euphemism for not living) I’m hoping the last thing on my mind is this:
“I rule”
That’s it. Plain and simple. None of this sappy ass bullshit. It would suck midget transvestite testicles to go out wondering if I left the oven on.